5 Ways to Make the Most Out of Limited Space in Your Van!
Sometimes van life can feel a little bit cramped, but the good news is there are some great ways to make the most out of your space or find a solution you may not have thought of before!
An amazing thing about van life is how it opens up a world of possibilities for many to live their dreams. It's popularity in recent years and the feasibility of it now that more companies are open to hiring remote workers has caused the van life community to skyrocket in population. But this also means we should address issues that often get a blind eye turned to.
Making sure you know how to clean up your space is always an important first step and practice to have in general! One thing I like knowing how to do is making sure I know how to make it so people can only see what I want them to. That includes what I’m reading on my computer and phone! If you ever want to clear your browsing history here’s how to do it in a couple easy steps!
In Safari on a laptop, click history at the top of your computer screen > Clear history located at the bottom of the drop-down menu > choose to clear last hour, today, and yesterday, or all history. Usually clearing the last hour will work best because it's harder to tell you've cleared your history
In Chrome on a laptop, at the top right click More > History > Clear Browsing Data > Select how much history to delete (usually a shorter time works best will work best because it's harder to tell you've cleared your history) > Check boxes for the info you want Chrome to clear > Click Clear Data
On iPhone you can go to private browsing by opening Safari, opening a new page, and selecting “Private” or you can clear your history by going to Settings > Safari > and tap Clear History and Website Data
On Android Open the Chrome App > at the top right tap more > History > Clear Browsing Data > Select how much history to delete (usually a shorter time works best will work best because it's harder to tell you've cleared your history) > Check “Browsing History” > Clear Data
This information is for all of us living van life but should be applied to our lives in general. We're bringing up domestic violence and abuse because statistically, it is a worldwide problem that is much more common than any of us would like to think about and we have to acknowledge that it is going to happen in our community like any other, but we can also stand against it to make van life a safer place for all. We are bringing it up especially because some of the things that enable abusers to keep their partner isolated and controlled come with the lifestyle we have when living on the road thus making it easier to hide what is going on.
These include but aren't limited to
Moving often so no one notices the signs
Transportation dependence when your home is also your vehicle
Controlling perception of their relationship in person and on social media
Being able to not be in service to control communication
Creating financial dependence – no money to safely leave resulting in fear if they do leave
Home dependence – no option of where to go/escape
Making the partner feel guilty “You have nothing to complain about, this is everyone's dream.”
Coming on strong to a new partner in lifestyle and intimacy “Hey, we have to be intentional on the road, right. It's better than being alone.”
Ability to isolate/withhold conversation, emotional connection, and simple needs when the partner “isn't doing well enough” in the partnership. Vanlife can be lonely, so this is a strategy of abusers to make their partner “earn” being treated well.
Closely monitoring their life – easy to do when you only have one room
Grooming community; only accept friends who don't challenge them or see signs of abuse, cut out people who do.
Jealousy – Van lifers are inherently social on the internet and in person, but new people in their lives often create jealousy and anger in abusers who see interactions as a threat.
Abuse in the domestic setting often seems cut and dry – and it is from a right and wrong perspective – but for the abused it's often much more complicated than simply leaving. As much as these situations leave us wanting to simply stop them by whatever means, it's important to address issues like these with a lot of tact and care.
Basically, van life can be a way to truly live a dream of travel and seek wanderlust alone or with the one you love, but we can't turn a blind eye to the fact prevalence of domestic violence in the USA, Australia, New Zealand, or elsewhere in the world. Statistics from The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence show 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience some form of physical violence by an intimate partner and women between the ages of 18-24 are the most commonly abused by their partner.
Living van life doesn't make our community immune to these statistics. More concerning is how van life can help mask the signs and make it easier for abusers to keep the abuse hidden and their partner in the relationship. So it's up to us to be aware and also do what we can to encourage others to be empowered and in control of their lives and if you are wondering if what you're going through is truly unhealthy we hope this helps you spot what's wrong, know it's not what you deserve, and find ways to seek a healthier and happier life.
So, “Living the dream” can make it easy for people to downplay the bad in their life as part of the process. And abusers often look to make their victim and others not even notice the abuse, or excuse it. But no type of physical, emotional, financial, or sexual abuse is justified because other parts of life are “good”. This means obvious violence but also things like intentionally shaming someone, making them feel stupid or unworthy as to invalidate the abuse, making them feel threatened or afraid, limiting their ability to leave by geographic/monetary means, or guilting them into staying.
Often, especially in communities like ours, abuse leaks out in the form of seeing or hearing bits of arguments that spill over into social time, seeing signs of abuse, hearing the language a person uses with their partner, but rarely is it going to be blatantly obvious. Often, it feels like you need to talk with others about it and it can feel like gossip, but don't be fooled into not trusting your gut because you're worried to upset someone. At the same time, realize both not saying anything and exposing what you know in a brash way can make things worse for the victim, causing them to hide the abuse more in fear of it being known rather than get out of the situation.
So, here are a few things to do if you are being abused or suspect abuse is happening to someone you know (and this counts for van life or apartment life or house life... just life) * sourced from Psychology Today*
Does your partner try to keep you away from other people?
Does your partner make it difficult for you to leave the house, join organizations, work, or further your education?
Does your partner limit or monitor your phone conversations, social media use, email, or mail?
Does your partner try to find out what you have done and where you have been in a way that feels like "too much?" Does your partner spy on you or stalk you?
Does your partner try to control your personal activities or what you wear?
Does your partner try to control your access to resources such as money or transportation?
Does your partner purposely keep you in financial peril? Do you feel like you have to work twice as much as you should to keep the household afloat? Is your money "our money", but your partner's earnings "their money"?
Does your partner make you feel afraid by shouting, swearing, name-calling, or insulting you?
Does your partner try to control aspects of your health or body in ways that are harmful to you, such as making demands regarding your: eating, weight, sleeping, bathing, or using the bathroom? Does your partner try to block you from taking prescription drugs that you need, going for medical care, seeing a therapist, or exercising?
Does your partner push you to use substances such as street drugs, prescription drugs for non-medical reasons, or more alcohol than you want?
Does your partner push you to change your body in ways you'd rather not, such as getting tattoos or piercings or cosmetic surgery?
Does your partner push or force you sexually? Are you unable to speak your mind about sex? Does your partner push you to avoid practicing safe sex? Does your partner push you to take sexual pictures or videos?
Does your partner block your efforts to separate or leave the relationship?
Does your partner block your efforts to speak about things that matter to you?
If you have children in your life, does your partner try to control or harm your relationship with the children?
Does your partner throw, kick or punch things, slam doors or stomp around to intimidate you? Does your partner grab or push you, get in your face, corner you, or pin you against a wall? Are you afraid of your partner, at least some of the time?
Does your partner refuse to speak with you for long periods of time?
Does your partner threaten you?
Does your partner hurt you physically? Does your partner threaten you with guns or other weapons? Does your partner threaten suicide?
Does your partner punish you or deliberately harm you?
Abuse in the complex world of van life, nomadic living, and social media can look different than you'd expect. Most importantly, if someone is putting appearance in their friend group or on social media before their partner and their relationship, that's a red flag. It's abuse when it becomes pain, guilt, fear, intimidation, or emotionally based.
So if you find a friend in this situation, here are some ways you can help (sourced from womenshealth.gov)
Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won’t be distracted or interrupted. Visit your loved one in person if possible.
Let them know you’re concerned about their safety. Be honest. Tell them about times when you were worried about them. Help them see that abuse is wrong. They may not respond right away, or they may even get defensive or deny the abuse. Let them know you want to help and will be there to support them in whatever decision they make.
Be supportive. Listen to your loved one. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for them to talk about the abuse. Tell them that they are not alone and that people want to help. If they want help, ask them what you can do.
Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen or to provide transportation, for example.
Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on them. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.” Tell them you understand that their situation is very difficult.
Help them make a safety plan. Safety planning might include packing important items and helping them find a “safe” word to text you. This is a code word she can use to let you know she is in danger without an abuser knowing. It might also include agreeing on a place to meet her if she has to leave in a hurry.
Encourage them to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233); the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 800-656-HOPE (4673); and the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, 866-331-9474, are all available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They can offer advice based on experience and can help find local support and services.
If they decide to stay, continue to be supportive. They may decide to stay in the relationship, or they may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what they decide to do.
Encourage them to do things outside of the relationship. They need to see friends and family.
If they decide to leave, continue to offer help. Even though the relationship was abusive, they may feel sad and lonely once it is over. They may also need help getting services from agencies or community groups.
Let them know that you will always be there no matter what. It can be very frustrating to see a friend or loved one stay in an abusive relationship. But if you end your relationship, they have one less safe place to go in the future. You cannot force a person to leave a relationship, but you can let them know you’ll help, whatever they decide to do.